1
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:08,307
(dog barks)

2
00:00:11,078 --> 00:00:12,444
Radio: Good morning,
everybody. For the weather,

3
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,446
today, we're looking at a
beautiful sunny day.

4
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,583
Lady: Time to put some
lipstick on a pig.

5
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:19,584
...be a bit of a scorcher today
with temperatures

6
00:00:19,653 --> 00:00:22,087
around 28 degrees for
a high this afternoon.

7
00:00:22,155 --> 00:00:24,656
But with that humidex,
it'll be closer to 40.

8
00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:27,993
Don't just sit there.
Cut to a scene in the park.

9
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:30,329
Not this park.
I hate this fucking park.

10
00:00:30,397 --> 00:00:33,065
It's an old people's park.
I hate old people.

11
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:36,068
What are you looking at?
Are you looking at my tits?

12
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,871
You, you don't
have any tits.

13
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:43,341
That's because life
sucked me dry, you blow job.

14
00:00:43,410 --> 00:00:45,610
Let's try another park.
I hate this park.

15
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:49,014
Ah, that's better.
This is a nice park.

16
00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:51,983
It's a park where all
the smart people are.

17
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:55,353
Everybody on their
cell phones, looking busy.

18
00:00:55,422 --> 00:00:58,023
Yeah.
Here you go.

19
00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,459
Why don't you just sit
here beside an old lady?

20
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:01,960
There's lots of room.

21
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,728
Thank you.
It's so hot out.

22
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:06,598
Isn't it?
Oh my goodness.

23
00:01:06,666 --> 00:01:10,368
Too hot for
wandering around.

24
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:13,705
Too hot for a mom to be pushing
her kid all over the place

25
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:18,443
while she's gotta deal with
important personal matters.

26
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:21,646
Oh, what a cute baby.
I betcha his name is Charlie.

27
00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:25,951
- What? No, it's Celia.
- Oh, Celia.

28
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:28,454
Well, now,
that's a cute name.

29
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:32,524
Yeah, I named all
my kids rotten names.

30
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:35,327
But that's because I was
heavily drugged at the time,

31
00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:38,664
you know, and they all look
like little monsters to me.

32
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:41,366
So, I named them
after monsters.

33
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:45,003
My youngest, Godzilla,
got the worst of it.

34
00:01:45,071 --> 00:01:46,738
I'm kidding.
I'm only kidding!

35
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,975
Nobody got named Godzilla.
Ha-ha!

36
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:53,211
I named them all after
dogs I had as a kid.

37
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:57,182
Now, why would you
name a boy Celia?

38
00:01:57,250 --> 00:01:59,818
Do you think
he's transgender?

39
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:02,020
- She's a girl.
- Oh!

40
00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:03,689
That makes all
the difference.

41
00:02:03,757 --> 00:02:07,893
That changes everything.
A girl.

42
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,163
Hello, little Celia.
Celia...

43
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:14,299
Kind of makes me think of a
disease of the small intestine,

44
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:16,768
but you know,
in a nice way.

45
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:19,838
Aren't you just
the cutest thing?

46
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:22,241
You could use a little
texture in your hair,

47
00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,843
but other than that,
you know...

48
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:29,714
Aw, look at her, so
adorable and innocent,

49
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,650
before all the
growing up starts,

50
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:34,820
all the... disappointment.

51
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,656
That afternoon she calls you
a stupid bitch and

52
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:40,392
slams out the front door
wearing cut offs that

53
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,961
make her look like
a crack whore.

54
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:46,131
Oh, you poor thing.
You know what;

55
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,468
maybe just a little itty bitty
bitty lipstick.

56
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:51,470
Here we go.
Just a little bit--

57
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,539
- (Celia cries)
- Hey Lady!

58
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,873
(dog barks in distance)

59
00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:56,208
Why did we cut to this scene?

60
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:58,143
We all know how
this scene goes.

61
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,077
Who is she talking to?

62
00:02:59,145 --> 00:03:00,479
We're not gonna
do this again, mom.

63
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,214
We are not gonna pick you up
from the police station.

64
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:03,949
- Good.
- Yeah, it is good.

65
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,718
You know, you can spend the
rest of your life locked in

66
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:08,353
a mental ward,
chained to the floor.

67
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,588
I'm changing my will.

68
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,289
I'm not leaving
you a fucking dime.

69
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,425
- Mom...
- You haven't got a dime, mom.

70
00:03:13,427 --> 00:03:17,495
Well, I'll tell you what I
do have: dirt, on both of you.

71
00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:20,365
Why can't you just
be a normal old lady?

72
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,968
That woman is thinking
of pressing charges.

73
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:25,103
You put lipstick
on her baby!

74
00:03:25,171 --> 00:03:27,172
It was just a
light application.

75
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,441
Anyway, I'm done with it now.
You can have it back.

76
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:32,244
- Have what back, mom?
- Here, Rover, catch.

77
00:03:32,312 --> 00:03:34,045
I found it in
your suit pocket.

78
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,114
You did?
That's not mine.

79
00:03:36,182 --> 00:03:37,816
- No?
- Where did you get that?

80
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,285
Ah--

81
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,854
Okay, you can cut to
the next scene now.

82
00:03:42,922 --> 00:03:45,657
(laughs)

83
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:46,992
That's good.

84
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:50,895
(laughs)
Oh, god. Oh, god.

85
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,731
That'll shut him up
for a while.

86
00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,399
Yeah.

87
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,636
(laughs)

88
00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:58,937
What do you think
of this colour?

89
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,205
What do you think?

90
00:04:00,207 --> 00:04:03,074
Why doesn't this
cigarette stop moving?

91
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,944
I think next time I'm gonna
steal a lighter shade.

92
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:08,413
Why the hell not, yeah.
(mumbles) Come on.

93
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:09,748
I've gotta,
gotta do something.

94
00:04:09,816 --> 00:04:11,683
- Gotta.
- Mhm.

95
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,852
It ain't over
till it's over, baby.

96
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,621
It ain't over.
What is it?

97
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:18,156
This show.

98
00:04:18,224 --> 00:04:20,559
Did you know they're
making a show about me?

99
00:04:20,627 --> 00:04:21,693
Who is?

100
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,928
Well, I can't get
into the specifics.

101
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,431
- Well, who's in it?
- Ah, me. And you.

102
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,233
- You're in it too.
- Oh?

103
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:30,702
This is a scene
we're having right now.

104
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,804
- Excellent.
- Mhm.

105
00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:34,506
It's about a nasty
old lady who does shit.

106
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:38,143
- It's called Hey Lady!
- Well, when's it on?

107
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,978
Now. Actually, it's over.

108
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:43,481
- This is the last scene.
- Can I have the last line?

109
00:04:43,550 --> 00:04:46,351
No, because now it's
fading to black...

110
00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:56,394
?

111
00:04:56,463 --> 00:05:07,272
?

112
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:10,809
? HEY... LADY! ?

113
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:16,147
?

114
00:05:16,197 --> 00:05:20,747
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